Loss seems to be all around me. The loss of children seems exceptionally present right now. Social media has a lot to do with it, but still. I don't know these losses, except for the loss of my precious niece earlier this summer. It has been One Month and 9 Days to be exact. The rest I don't know but they seem to surround me recently and my heart goes out to all the parents out there who have lost their own precious ones. I don't ever want to experience that kind of loss. Ever.
As I sit and reflect I remind myself again and again to be grateful for all I have. My life is full. My husband has a successful career that he loves, my children are healthy and happy, and I am living my dream. I have no reason for this snappiness but still it is there. All I can do is to continue to remind myself of all that I have and that I need to be content with that. Our family is nowhere near perfect. I will never be as patient with my children as I should be. We live in a fallen world. My children will disobey. They will be naughty. I will get upset. I will lose it from time to time. I also know that there is forgiveness. My Savior is there all along the way, waiting to pick up the pieces of the mess I create. The most important job that I have as a parent is to teach my children that forgiveness and to show them what it looks like as life goes on. They will understand the bad things this world has to give all on their own. Sometimes it is hard to see the good through all the bad. But it is there, and I can teach them to look for it.
I love this job of mine. I love what God has called me to do. It is a precious gift. My family is a precious gift. Even in my snappy times where I am not my best I can find the good. My Savior is not one that expects me to do certain things before He will love me or forgive me. He meets me where I am and loves me anyway.
Precious Zoey, you are loved, you are not forgotten. You brought so much love and joy in your short time with us. I am thankful for the time we got to spend with you. You are remembered every second of every day. Your cousin still talks of you and knows that you are healthy and whole now. Love you. Always. I will think of you as Ella grows up. Every milestone she passes I will think of you and wonder what you would have looked like, what you would be doing at that time.
Today I will squeeze my babies tight and think of all those that are aching to hold theirs again. Though I don't know you, my heart goes to you. I will live today and each day remembering all I have, being thankful for my life and my family. Growing each day in grace and love.
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