Saying Goodbye, Saying Hello

2014, what a year. I can honestly say this year has been one of the most life-changing, eventful years my little family has ever had. We had great loss, we had great gain, we had great change. Through all the events this year has brought, love has remained.

In love, family took us in and we were practically homeless (no, it wasn't THAT bad, but it was not good)

In love, we said goodbye to family members this year that we didn't think we would have to. Hearts ache with their absence, and we think of where they would be now and what they would be doing.

In love, we accomplished goals and passed milestones.

In love, we said more goodbyes as we packed up everything(almost) we had and started a new journey in a new place. Friends and family bid us well and sent us off; people we had never planned to say goodbye to.

In love, we made drastic changes to our circumstances, our family, our home.

In love we welcomed more family members we had longed for, prayed for, and hoped for.

Even though not everything that happened this year was easy, I can look back and see the good. Family came together and clung to each other in heartache. We will forever be closer to each other because of it. We have seen and felt more support from loved ones this year than we could have ever hoped for. We have had a fresh start in a wonderful place. My husband has an amazing job that he loves and worked so hard for. I have a job I always dreamed of and hoped I could have. I have big plans to return to my previous career choice of course, but in this time and this place, my dream is this and this is where I am called to be.

Changed. New. Loss. Family. Goodbye. Hello. BLESSED. Truly Blessed. This is what I will take away with me as this year closes. I am truly, deeply blessed

As I reflect on everything that has taken place, I do have a big ache in my heart. The loss experienced was great. I miss my niece that I never got to know. I miss my friends and coworkers desperately. I miss family we left behind. Sometimes I sit back and just ache with loss and the tears can overtake me. But I also look at all we have gained this year and still I settle with truly blessed. I could not ask for more.

We say goodbye to 2014 tonight. We say goodbye to adventures and trials. Even tough we say goodbye, we can carry on the memories and the love. This year moves into the past, and into our memories. Goodbye 2014.

Hello 2015. Who knows what this year will bring. We can guarantee there will be good and there will also be bad. We will make new memories and love will carry us. I have quite a few New Year's resolutions of course, and most are the usual, overused resolutions. but I make them all the same:
-lose weight (the baby weight plus more that I am 2 years overdue in losing)
-gain more patience
-enjoy every minute even more
-become better off financially
-eat better
-excercise more
-all in all become a better me
-read my Bible more and know Him more

I know that I will not accomplish all these things. We never do. But maybe, just maybe I will do a better job this year than I have in year's past. I wrote it down now. I cannot ignore it. So, welcome 2015, and please, please be good to us

Little Girl Hair Part 2

I love attempting to style this girl's hair. I have a looooooooooooooong ways to go before I can actually find myself successful at it, but it is fun nonetheless.

PS, that one in the middle, well sometimes a girl just needs a crown ;)

Christmastime Memories

There are certain moments I want to cherish and hold on to forever.

Today, after returning home completely wiped out and not feeling well, I collapsed onto the couch moments before my napping children woke up. They sleepily walked out and crawled into my lap.

We sat there, watching a Christmas Movie, enjoying the lights twinkling on our cute little Christmas Tree, and before we knew it we were playing dress up with our winter hats. It ended with John wearing his sisters hat and gloves because he "wanted to be a teddy bear" and Ella wore her brother's ginormous hat that kept slipping down over her eyes and she thought that was pretty cool.

Moments fly by and life goes so quickly. I treasure these small little moments that slip away. This right here is the reason for this blog. I want to attempt to capture as many of these tiny moments as possible and hold on to them forever.

He Makes All Things New

It's been one of those days....

For some reason, a lot of days recently have been one of those days.... The day usually starts off great. I wake up, have my coffee (yes, MUST ALWAYS have the coffee), and gear myself up for the day. Hubby goes off to work, kiddos stumble out of bed, and my favorite part of the day occurs. Snuggle time. I love snuggle time. My kids trip out to the couch one at a time, still full of sleep, and we spend the next 10-15 minutes just snuggling. It is quiet and peaceful. They are still little enough that I can still hold both of them in my lap at the same time if they happen to wake up together. I love this time of day the best. Nothing has gone wrong, fits have not yet been thrown, tempers not yet lost; we haven't been late for anything yet, made any messes, been too loud, or argued. I wish I could hang onto this part of the day and go back to it when something goes wrong, and believe me, something ALWAYS goes wrong.

We went to the zoo today and had a great time. Loved every minute. I was patient at all the right times, and completely focused on my family as it should be....then the rest of the day happened. My son wouldn't nap. We were out of milk and I had promised the kiddos macaroni and cheese for lunch. My husband was completely immersed in football the REST of the day (I have no patience for football). Fit after fit after fit was thrown. We were challenged with attitudes, whining, sneaking, and all around naughtiness. And I have to be honest. I failed on the patience and not overreacting front today. Major, major mom fail and I am dealing with a lot of guilt right now.

My son, the 4 year old, has been pushing the limits recently. My sweet, loving, snugly, energetic little boy has transformed into a whiny, moody, sneaky, impulsive turd. I love him. I love him soooooooooooooo much. It literally hurts when I think of the love I have for him. I am having a hard time with the newest of his phases he has been going through. When I think we have reached our limits, a whole new phase begins that even more scary. This parenting thing is HARD, and I'm not always very good at it. In fact, sometimes I think I downright suck. But I AM a parent, and I have been blessed with two precious lives that depend on me to be the best mom I can be.

It's scary. Parenting is scary. I am so afraid of failing my kids. I want them to grow up to be happy, whole, and not too terribly damaged. This is where the good part comes in. I know I am not alone. Not only do I have an amazing partner in this, but I have an amazing God that loves, forgives, guides, and completely makes up for all my failures. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I know it is a new day. All my failures and shortcomings have been washed away, and I have the chance yet again to be the very best mom , wife, daughter, sister, friend, and me that I can be. Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna mess it up again and again and again. But I also know, and need to remember, that I can start over in the middle of the day, or even the end. I can take a step back, spend some time in the Word, and know that I am once again forgiven and made clean.

Life is a gift. The people in our lives are gifts. I am so thankful for my many gifts. I know parenting will always be hard. But I also know it is so worth it. I love my kids with all that I am. The best thing I can do is to raise them to see Grace. They will see me mess up over and over, and they will mess up over and over. I can give them Grace through my Savior and they can see my need for Grace as well and the need to give Grace to others.

He makes all things new. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. And we need it. We need Him. We need Grace. We will never measure up alone. God has us covered. His loves erases all our shortcomings, washes us in Grace, and makes us new.

Not Enough

We all have those days. Bad, gloomy days. Today so far has been one of those days.

I have lived my life with this nagging feeling of "Not Enough". Not good enough for this crazy awesome life I am living. Not good enough for my kids, my husband, my family, my friends. Not cool enough, not patient enough. Just plain not enough. Name the thing and and I'm not it, except awkward, I've got that down.

I have this thing called Low Self Esteem. Had it for as long as I can remember. It is hard to make friends, and it's hard to work on friendships when I don't feel good enough to be their friend. I convinced myself that this would go away when I became an adult. Jr High and High School was a nightmare, but I could get through it knowing it wouldn't always be this way, things would get easier. As I have grown older, I have learned a lot and have made some pretty awesome friends that I treasure, though I know I don't let them know how good of friends they are because something always stops me from making those calls. That feeling that I hoped and prayed would go away never did. It's still there, all the time. I'm not sure what I thought would magically change when I became an adult, but it didn't change.

I have an awesome family; every single person in my family is awesome. I am blessed to have such an amazing family. I grew up, the youngest, comparing myself to my much cooler than me siblings. To this day I guarantee that they are still much cooler than me. I did my best trying to be the child my parents deserved to have. I want to be as good as them. I have a loving husband who accepts and loves me for who I am. I have two beautiful babies that look at me like I am their whole world and I get this feeling of being completely inadequate. My kids deserve to have an amazing mom, and I totally do not fill those shoes.

I know where that nagging feeling comes from, and I know better than to believe it. Most days I can kick it to the curb and feel completely blessed. I am blessed. This life is more than anything I ever hoped for. My friends, family, and loved ones are too many to count. My kids are amazing. That is all the truth. But some days that nagging feeling clobbers me. What on earth did I do to deserve all this? Nothing. That's the truth. And I am okay with that. Relieved, actually. Life is a gift. It may be hard, but it is a gift. Everyone in our lives is there for a reason.

I will live my life knowing that I am Not Enough, but it's okay. I have Someone that is good enough. He is Enough in my place. I am not a mistake; I am not here by accident. I have a purpose, and even though I may not always see what that purpose is, I have one and I will fight to remember that purpose. I will be grateful every day for the life I live and I will be grateful for the people in my life.

I know I will always have that feeling of "Not Enough". I will always have that fight. I will not be defeated.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

A Letter To My Daughter

Dear Ella,

I thought I knew how to be a mom until you came into my life. You showed me from the start that you are your own person, not to be compared to anyone else. You carve your own path in this world and do things at your own pace. No one can rush you, push you, or make you do anything you do not want to do. I love you, my spirited girl. So sweet, beautiful, and full of life. I know that whatever life throws at you that you can do it. You are a fighter and you are strong. You do things your own way; you keep us on our toes.

Life has not been and never will be easy. We have discovered that with you from the time we learned about you. You continue to surprise me with your strength, persistence, innocence, and sweetness. You are truly a gift to me and I am so thankful for every day that I get to be your mom. I love the way you would snuggle with me all day long, just as long as you can play with your brother at the same time. You are independent and smart. You understand things more than you let on, my little observer.

My prayer for you, My Ella, is that you never lose your sweetness. I know life is hard, but there are so many good things life has to offer that make all the bad things, all the hard parts worth it. Keep that sweetness Ella, for you will move mountains. Your smile brightens a room, and a single wave from you can make anyone's day. I have never quite seen anyone gather as much attention as you do, and you don't even try; you don't even care. As little as you are, you amaze me. You are loved.

I treasure you. I am so excited to see the person that you will become. Always push harder; never give up hope. Always know that YOU are enough. Never be someone that you are not. Never be afraid to be YOU, because YOU are beautiful, just the way you are. You don't have to change to please people. I pray you will always find your identity in your Creator and know that He created you for a reason, for a purpose.

I'm on your side; I'm rooting for you. Always here for you, no matter what. You are treasured. You are loved. I am so proud of you, my sweet girl. I always will be.

All My Love, Always,

Mommy

A Letter To My Son

Dear John,

Words cannot express the love I have for you. You are amazing just the way you are. As you grow, I love watching the person you are becoming. You are kind, sweet, polite, and loving. You are curious, patient, generous, and full of faith. You love to learn and try new things. You are wild and full of life. You love your family and we love you. Your sister follows your every footstep and you patiently allow her to follow you, to copy your play. You treat people with respect and trust. I know one day someone will break that trust you so freely give and I would give everything to protect you, but I also want you to live. I want you to experience life. As much as I wish I could expose you only to the good, I know we must also experience the bad in order to truly appreciate all the good things that this wonderful life has to offer.

As I go through the day with you, from the time you wake up and crawl into my lap to cuddle to the time I tuck you in and sing you goodnight, I cannot help but to be amazed. I know we butt heads, often. But my love will never change. I don't know if it is the fact that we are so alike, that you are so like your dad, or maybe a little bit of both, but a day cannot pass without some conflict between the two of us. I learn so much from these conflicts about both of us. I learn how much more patience and grace I need. I see stubbornness and so many other qualities of your personality. I also know that we love to have fun together. I love to spend quality time with you, answer your questions to the best of my ability, dive into wonderful worlds of imagination, and create memories I will hold close for the rest of my life.

You are a gift, and you are loved more than you will ever know. You made me a mom and I promise to always work at being the kind of mom you deserve, the kind of mom that helps you grow into the best person that you can be. I want you to be smart; I want you to be successful. But most of all, I hope you find joy. I hope you continue to have the faith we are raising you in. I hope you grow into the person that YOU want to be.

I am so proud to call you my son. Nothing can or ever will change the love I have for you. I hope you always remember that I will always be cheering for you; always on your side. When life knocks you on your knees, remember you are never alone, and you can always pick yourself back up again. We all fall down, it is a fact of life. Push on, and push back. Never give up, never feel hopeless. No matter where life takes you, I will never be far away. Don't be afraid to live or take chances. You will never truly know what you are capable of until you try. I know you can do great things, because I know you.

John, you are precious to me. I pray for you every day and always will. I thank God for the gift of you. I learn so much from you every day.

All My Love, Always,

Mommy

Kindness. Pass It On

This past week, while we were out to dinner, some young girls came and gave each of the kids a bottle of bubbles.

It was such a small gesture, but it has been on my mind all week. The world we live in is no longer kind. We don't know our neighbors, or trust anyone anymore. Everyone we meet could be a "bad guy" so we better not make eye contact or smile at them. Schools have shootings and countries are fighting. Turn on the news and you can just about guarantee that 95% of what you see and hear is depressing and down right scary. I think about all the bad in this world, and I think of my two young kids that we are raising. I think it is safe to say that we haven't even seen the worst of it yet. Bad things will keep happening and our world gets scarier and scarier.

The most important job I have as a parent is to care for my children, love them, and bring them up in the Truth. There is something bigger out there than all the bad things this world can throw at us. God is bigger than all of the muck. My prayer is that my kids know God. The world is going to throw all sorts of bad things their way, but if they have Hope, they will get through it.

This small gesture of a bottle of bubbles meant so much more to me. There is still kindness in this world. It may be hard to find sometimes, but it is there. There is always going to be someone in your life who will do the right thing because they love you, or simply because they can. That is why we keep going.

In the past few years, we have had so many people like that in our lives. Wonderful, kind people who have helped both us and others and never asked for anything in return. I know that I can't ever pay those people back, not really, not for all they have done. I can be grateful, and I can do my best to do the same for someone, someday.

So, whoever gave us the bubbles, thank you. Know that we received your message and have accepted the challenge. We will pass on kindness and continue to pass it on as often as we can. I also challenge anyone out there that reads this to pass on some kindness as well. It doesn't have to be anything big. In fact, it can be as small as giving a smile or handing someone a bottle of bubbles. Just be kind.

Pass It On

Little Girl Hair

So I have this little girl that I love. 

Her hair is crazy all over the place. 

I can't stand the thought of cutting it yet. 

I have dreams of her having long luscious curly locks. 

Whether or not that dream will come true has yet to be determined. 

But while we wait on that dream, I have been experimenting with fun, cute little hairdos for my girl. I am not artistic. I am not creative. I have yet to do braids, but I have set lofty goals for myself. I am determined that my girl will be cute and sport more than a ponytail or "hair in the face" do'. I also have these things called glasses to work around. It's not like I can take them off. I have to make sure her do's are compatible with her glasses as well. It does throw a wrench in the whole process but they do her good, and I am just being vain if I want to take them off to create a different hairstyle (in all seriousness I would NEVER do that).

I have a few tools at my disposal, some are used more often than others. Here is what I use:

• comb
• Suave hair detangler (though I am sure water would work just fine)
• hair thingys (everyone has their own term for these)
• hairspray (only used sparingly with some styles depending on the day's activities) 

 

Here is a sampling of my explorations with her hair:

It's The Little Things

Ok, I'm gonna attempt a little creativity here. Been stewing on this for a while and it may be really really bad, but I don't really care. Here goes:

It's The Little Things...

Snuggles first thing in the morning, burrowing your face into my neck while you work on waking up.

It's The Little Things...

Opening my eyes in the morning to your little face as close as it can get saying, "Time to wake up!"

It's The Little Things...

Reaching your arms out to me because I'm your favorite person in the world.

It's The Little Things...

Eagerly asking when it will be time to do our school time every day.

It's The Little Things...

Listening to the two of you playing together in your room, the hallway, or wherever it may be that you have settled with whatever toy you may be sharing at the moment.

It's The Little Things...

Coming to me with the same book every single day with a "Mommy, will you read to me?"

It's The Little Things...

Helping you pick out your shirts every day because you aren't quite tall enough to reach them in the closet.

It's The Little Things...

Going to the dog run together to give our giant dog some exercise. While we are there you squish all the bugs you see. What a weird little hobby

It's The Little Things...

Running through the splash pad together. Racing around each jet of water . Grabbing you and running through water while we laugh and scream.

It's The Little Things...

Pizza Night. Not the normal go out to pizza night. Pizza night where you get all the ingredients at the store, bring it back to your home, and make pizza as a family with a one year old and a 4 year old. You love it. You stir the sauce; you sprinkle the cheese; you pick out your own toppings; you ACTUALLY EAT DINNER!!!

It's The Little Things...

When you, the 4 year old takes my phone on said pizza night and insists on taking a hundred pictures of me making pizza. Most of them are blurry and have a finger in the way.

It's The Little Things...

Arguing over who gets to sit on my lap in the evenings as we settle down from our day. I wish my lap was big enough for the two of you. Always.

It's The Little Things...

I love you. Every bit of you. The cute parts and the frustrating parts. I eagerly anticipate the people you will become, and at the same time dread it completely as it will mean my babies are grown and don't need me the way you do now.

It's The Little Things...

I treasure these days filled with toy cars, books, make-believe, and silliness. I know they will pass all too soon, never to be seen again.

It's The Little Things...

You are a gift. You are a blessing. You are beautiful. You are loved

Grace....It's a way to live

Homeschooling

This year, in an attempt to spend more quality time with my kids, I am homeschooling John for Pre-K. Our transition into our new home, new state, and new normal has taken a while but I decided it was time. Time for school to start. I have been planning and preparing the past week or so and today was the day. Better late than never right?

Having taught this age for 5 years I feel like I have a decent enough grasp on what needs to be taught this year that I wanted to give it a go. I don't plan on homeschooling forever, but the next few years I would like to give it a shot, and John is definitely excited to be able to do school from home. I have also gotten the kids involved in our local MOPS and BSF, thanks to a wonderful friend in the area. I know how important socialization is for kids and I didn't want my homeschooling desire to delay him in that area. We enjoyed our first week this week at both BSF and MOPS. Well, most of us at least, and I am praying Ella does better next time! :(

I have compiled a big binder of plans and activities as well as an assortment of games and books to tie it all together. I will add to the binder as the year goes on, but so far so good. John quite enjoyed his first day of school activities.

ps... I love Pinterest, it has been a great help in this area. Lots of great ideas. You know what they say: "Teachers beg, borrow, and steal!"

 

Healthy Healthy Healthy!

I have been working in the the kitchen a lot recently to make our family healthier. So far, I have not been wildly successful, especially with my kids, since their favorite foods are anything that comes out of a box. I won't lie either, if you give me the choice between something healthy and Pasta Roni, I will probably choose Pasta Roni. Love that stuff. Anyways, I wanted to make sure I remembered two pretty successful attempts at being healthy.

First Attempt: Zucchini Lasagna.

I LOVE pasta, and so it took a while for me to wrap my head around the fact that I would be making a classic pasta dish without the pasta. But then I had this giant zucchini in my house and I HAD to try it out. The recipe was right, I didn't even miss the pasta, It was good! Here is the link where I found this on Pinterest:
http://www.recipebyphoto.com/zucchini-pasta-lasagna/

My kids were not super wild about the dish, but then again, getting them to eat dinner is like pulling teeth, so maybe I shouldn't read into it too much. My hubby and I on the other hand, loved it.

My second success has been my favorite success. 

SMOOOOOTHIIIIEEEESSSSS!!!!!! (In my very best Cameron Diaz impression from What Happens In Vegas. On a side not, if you haven't seen this movie, you should.)

I made smoothies. Very simple. Find some fruit and yogurt in the kitchen, blend it all up, and VOILA! Yummy smoothies. My creations so far have involved: Kale (gotta throw in the greens), bananas, grapes, plain greek yogurt, water, and most importantly, frozen strawberries. I used the frozen strawberries in place of ice. Yum yum. I think it was well-received:

Bats Love Shopping Too

Had a great weekend visiting with family again this past weekend. Squeezing 4 adults and 2 children in a tiny 2-bedroom apartment is quite an experience! You really get to know each other. All was fun and spirits remained high despite the close quarters.

We decided to make a trip to Park City while family was here so we could go to the outlet mall there, because who doesn't love outlet malls?! First of all, I think it is crazy that leaves are changing at the beginning of September. It seems way too early. However, as early as it may be, I will never stop enjoying Fall. I think it will always be my favorite time of year. I get nostalgic when I see the reds, oranges, and yellows of fall. I think of road trips taken in college through the country roads of Nebraska. I think of my senior year in high school when my friend and I anxiously waited for the colors of fall to get our senior pictures taken. I love Fall.

Another fun (kind of) thing about our trip to Park City was the bats! We found bats at the mall. As freaked out as I was, I did my best to be excited for my son's benefit who was enthralled. Now, the bats were not doing anything offensive, they were just hanging out on a wall, but still, I wish I would have been smart enough to snap a picture, but I missed out. Shopping was fun, bats were interesting, and we all enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Park City, trains, Farmington, pizza, more trains, and lots of fun.

Contentedness

Contentedness... Is that a word? Well I just made it one. Second Question: Is it possible to be content? We live in a society where we always want more. We can never have enough. When we think we have it all, we don't. There is always something else we want to do or have.

Take me, for example. I am living my dream. I have everything I have ever wanted. We have shelter, food, and family. I have two beautiful children that I have the wonderful blessing of spending every day with. I am so happy. I am so content...or am I? I have everything I want until I hear one of our wonderful neighbors talking on the phone (on speaker I may add) at 2 am on the stairs right next to our bedroom. I have everything I want until I drive by a beautiful house in a wonderful neighborhood. I am content until I pass by some really cute clothes or shoes or something else that just simply isn't in the budget right now. Why isn't it ever enough. I have so much that I am emotionally overflowing. My heart is full. We are in a better place than we have been in 5 years. OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE!!!!!

Am I content? Really content? In some ways I say no, not really. I am a selfish person. I want a nicer place to live, I want nicer clothes, I want more. But why? Why do I want more? I DO have nice things. My kids are well-dressed (unless of course my son dressed himself then he is guaranteed to be in a ratty shirt he won't take off, shorts, and his cowboy boots). Our fridge and pantry has plenty of food. Am I content? Mostly, I say yes. I can sit myself down and remind myself of all I have. If I were to count my blessings, it would take a LONG time. Yes, I can whine and wish. I am sinful. But mostly, I have everything I will ever need. My life is full of joy and love.

We all have our days. Bad days. Selfish days. Impatient days. It is such a good thing we don't go through life ourselves. It isn't up to us. Our Savior is there to pick us up, brush us off, and give us the fresh start we need every day. Every day is new, and YES, we can be content, if we choose to be. But I believe it MUST be a choice. It has to be a conscious decision

I am choosing to be content. Things will always come up to challenge that contentedness, but that is ok. I will have days where it is harder to be content, and that is ok too.

 

Prayer

Savoring Every Moment

I have been snappy lately. I find myself getting frustrated and losing patience so quickly. Every time I feel like I am doing well at this Grace/Patience thing, I somehow seem to become even less patient and I have less Grace. I look back on those moments that I lose it and I cannot for the life of me figure out what frustrated me so much. So my 4 year old threw a washcloth into the bathtub? SO WHAT!!! I am an endless work in progress. I am finding myself very reflective today and I am hugging my two babes extra tight.

Loss seems to be all around me. The loss of children seems exceptionally present right now. Social media has a lot to do with it, but still. I don't know these losses, except for the loss of my precious niece earlier this summer. It has been One Month and 9 Days to be exact. The rest I don't know but they seem to surround me recently and my heart goes out to all the parents out there who have lost their own precious ones. I don't ever want to experience that kind of loss. Ever.

As I sit and reflect I remind myself again and again to be grateful for all I have. My life is full. My husband has a successful career that he loves, my children are healthy and happy, and I am living my dream. I have no reason for this snappiness but still it is there. All I can do is to continue to remind myself of all that I have and that I need to be content with that. Our family is nowhere near perfect. I will never be as patient with my children as I should be. We live in a fallen world. My children will disobey. They will be naughty. I will get upset. I will lose it from time to time. I also know that there is forgiveness. My Savior is there all along the way, waiting to pick up the pieces of the mess I create. The most important job that I have as a parent is to teach my children that forgiveness and to show them what it looks like as life goes on. They will understand the bad things this world has to give all on their own. Sometimes it is hard to see the good through all the bad. But it is there, and I can teach them to look for it.

I love this job of mine. I love what God has called me to do. It is a precious gift. My family is a precious gift. Even in my snappy times where I am not my best I can find the good. My Savior is not one that expects me to do certain things before He will love me or forgive me. He meets me where I am and loves me anyway.

Precious Zoey, you are loved, you are not forgotten. You brought so much love and joy in your short time with us. I am thankful for the time we got to spend with you. You are remembered every second of every day. Your cousin still talks of you and knows that you are healthy and whole now. Love you. Always. I will think of you as Ella grows up. Every milestone she passes I will think of you and wonder what you would have looked like, what you would be doing at that time.

Today I will squeeze my babies tight and think of all those that are aching to hold theirs again. Though I don't know you, my heart goes to you. I will live today and each day remembering all I have, being thankful for my life and my family. Growing each day in grace and love.

Seasonings

I hope to do many many more posts like this. Another goal of mine with this TIME that I now have is to learn how to make things. I want to be more natural. I want to sew more. I want to be more GREEN and healthy. I want my kids to be healthy. I also want to grow my craftiness. This is craftiness and I am pretty proud. I am just about the least crafty person there is out there. But here goes.

Spice Rack w/Bottles and Spices

Ingredients:

• 1 hanging bar from IKEA
• 1 (or 2) baskets(metal) to hang on the bar from IKEA
• 2 -4 sets of spice bottles from IKEA
• Chalkboard style stickers from Michaels (sooo glad I picked them up on clearance ages ago!)
• Silver Sharpie
• Bulk spices/seasonings from WinCo or Smiths (or any of your friendly grocery stores that sell in bulk)

Add all ingredients in the way that makes the most sense and this is your outcome:

Family

We had the wonderful blessing of family for the past week and a half. First we took the fairly long but beautiful road trip to McCall for the first ever Fitschen family reunion. It was wonderful. We got to see family members there that we haven't seen in years. We also got to catch up with those family members that we just recently moved away from. All in all a wonderful trip. And to those reading that haven't made the trip to McCall or haven't ever heard of it, book your trip now, it's a wonderful place to get away. I have already decided that when I make my millions (you know, in about 600 years) I will buy my house on the lake and ride my jet ski every day (they are soooo much fun!) The one thing that would have made the weekend even better was if my husband would have been able to make the trip with us. Sadly, he had to work to support us :). I loved all the time spent visiting, reflecting on good ol days, and making new memories.

A little side note on this trip....the ride home was not so pleasant. My brother borrowed our car to get back to Boise, so we packed up the kids and I into the back of my parent's truck. (I am very thankful that I was not by myself looking back) We hit the road roughly at 7:30 am, packed and ready. At approximately 8:30-8:45 my little girl got carsick. A LOT of carsick. Luckily I was sitting right next to her and knew what was happening so I managed to get most of the carsick in her blanket. YUCK. That was one stop. One disgusting, I never want to do that again, my poor parents had to help me out stop. A little ways down the road we are stopped by our friendly police man for speeding (no clue we were speeding!) I don't know if it was that 3 grown adults and 2 big carseats containing small children were all packed into one truck, or the fact that this truck most likely smelled of carsick, or the looks on our faces, or maybe he was just nice, but this nice police man reminded us of the speed and sent us on our happy way. A little ways more down the hill, we made it to Boise, dropped my dad off at the airport for a business trip, and set off to find my car. We found the car, and promptly got lost trying to find our way out of Boise. Twice. Oh well. The rest of the trip wasn't so bad until we were about 15 minutes from home. It's rush hour. Lots of cars and we are in the left hand lane. My son screams out that he has to go potty and I unsuccessfully try to convince him to wait until we get home. I grudgingly get the car over, find the closest exit and pull into a gas station. It is then that my son decides he does NOT have to go potty and refuses to get out of the car. I was done, so done. Lectures were given the last 15 minutes of the car ride and all pulled up to our home grumpy, tired, and hungry. I ordered my son into the bathroom and begin unpacking. I go check the bathroom just to make sure everything is still standing in there, you know how boys and bathrooms sometimes get along, where lo and behold I see that my son decided NOT to use the toilet. HE HAD PEED IN THE CAT LITTER BOX!!!!!!!! Oh My. That is all.

Next story. :)

This past Friday was my boys 4th birthday. It was amazing. My husbands entire family showed up to celebrate with us and my sister was wonderful enough to share her home with them as our tiny house is not even big enough for us! The weekend was spent in splash pads, county fairs, rodeos, and zoos topped with cake, ice cream, and presents. It was wonderful and I was so happy to be able to celebrate my son and his life.

I love family. I love the bad and the good. Family is who is there at the end of the day when everyone else has gone home. Family will be there for you no matter what through thick and thin, good times and bad. Family is blood, but family can also be those wonderful people that turn from friends into family. I have a few of those myself. I have been so blessed with amazing family in my life. My blood family and the family I married into. Wonderful people, and I could not ask for more.

Rainy Day Stories

It has been pretty rainy here the past week or so. A goal of mine this summer is to drain as much energy from my son as possible. We go swimming, we go do splash pads, we go for walks and play with the dog. Lately he has so much energy I swear he vibrates.

So the other day we had the afternoon off and decided we would go do something fun. We packed up a bag of stuff and headed to the splash pad clad in our swimming suits. As we pulled into the parking lot at the splash pad, so did rain and lightning and thunder. Well shoot. Now what? Then I had the brilliant idea of going to the bouncy house place we knew of through Groupon. Awesome! Even better than the splash pad. So we ran to change ours clothes and headed off to bounce to our hearts content. We found the place, we pulled into the parking lot......closed for private parties. We were officially in the fail oat now.

So what did we decide to do? Take a look: