Grace and Peace

Grace and Peace- we hear these words all the time. My question is, how often do I stop to think about what they mean and how they can impact my daily life. I think they have become just words to me. They have lost their meaning. My devotional this morning brought them back up for me to focus on and remember how powerful those words can be.

Grace- "favor, loving-kindness, goodwill". God's grace gets us through anything we set out to do. It carries us. Hid grace in our lives means we are forgiven, loved, and blessed, and God wants everyone to have that grace, no just some. Grace has been an important word to me for many years. It's something undeserved and unattainable on our own. We cannot receive it or give it without God. Grace comes from Him and nowhere else. But with Him, we can have that Grace and we can show that Grace to others.

Peace- "a tranquil state, quietness, and rest". This word hit home to me today. We need peace so badly. True peace comes from Him. "Receiving God's peace gives us a quiet, tranquil, fearless heart full of confidence, assurance, and rest in God." My how we need this. I need this. Peace starts from within. My hope for today and for the foreseeable future is that I continue to have Grace and Peace from God. Every second of every day. I know it will take a lot of restarts, but it is so necessary. May everyone feel God's Grace and Peace on them in a time where it seems like there is none.

The quotations are from my morning devotional from the Bible app. "21 Days of Grace for the Pace"

Time

I think this is one of the biggest struggles of humankind. Time. We never have enough, or we are bored, with too much time. I myself would like about 6 more hours to the day. Lol. But would I really make use of those 6 hours? Probably not. What really matters is what we do with the time we are given. Each one of us is born with a set number of hours to our life. And we will never know that number. Only God knows. There are so many things nowadays to fill that time. Work, cleaning, multiple hobbies, kids, food, the list goes on. Some things that fill our days are good things. Some are not. It's those bad things we do that fill our time that we should really be looking at. In my opinion, those things usually are not that bad. Smart phones, gaming, and technology in general specifically. Those things are all pretty good things. I love Facebook and social media. I like to unwind sometimes with a stupid game. My kids do too. HOWEVER, it is the sheer amount of time that we devote to these things that eventually makes them bad. We should not spend hours at a time on social media. We should not waste our entire time playing stupid games. Our children should not spend hours at a time in front of a device. It's easy to do. Too easy. I know this. I am way too guilty of this. I treasure my evenings when all is quiet in the house. Sometimes, I make good use of that time. I love to read and bake during that time and it is so therapeutic. Most of the time though, I plop myself down on the couch and waste my evening watching tv and playing on my phone. I never feel better after that. Sometimes, there is nothing better than spending an evening doing nothing but relaxing in front of the tv, but daily? No it doesn't feel relaxing after a while and I never feel better about myself or the time I have used. What happened to devotional times? Workout times? Time spent in prayer and worship and reflection? I am severely lacking in all departments. My Bible rarely gets opened and time spent with God? Almost non-existent.

That needs to change. I know from experience that when I spend time with my Savior, things fall into place. My priorities seem clearer and easier to follow through on. It isn't a perfect fix by all means, but when I remember to focus my life on Him, everything else fits better.

For now, I am practically forcing myself into devotions and workout times. I have chosen to do it first thing in the morning so that I don't put it off. It's hard to get out of bed earlier than I would like, but I know it is necessary and I would eventually like for it to become habit so its not so much of a forced thing. (I may ALWAYS have to force myself to work out) I have noticed in the couple days I have done this though, I am more intentional with my day and my time. I focus on my temper a bit more so that I am not always losing it. I want my kids to see a mom that is healthy. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

A Fresh Start

Every Day is a new day. I love that. No matter how terribly a day can go, no matter how many regrets I may have about my decisions, I know I can can leave that behind and start fresh each day. Sometimes I really need that Fresh Start on a daily basis (and if I am really being honest, multiple times a day!!!!) I lost my temper, I don't get things checked off my to-do list that I should, I eat waaaaaay to much (I really love food), the list goes on and on.

Yesterday I went a little too gung-ho on my workout. I paid for it the rest of the day and today I can barely move. Oops. So I started today with a more relaxing/stretching/repairing workout so I can try again tomorrow! My devotion this morning was Day 2 of the Reset with Jesus. It talked about how messed up our world can be, but that no matter what choices we have made and what has happened to us, it is never too late for a Fresh Start. We can have that Reset and put our focus back on Jesus. I am thankful for that. I may need a fresh start frequently, but I also know I will never quit. All Jesus asks is that we put our faith and trust in Him. We don't have to come to Him perfect or in a certain way. He just wants us to come. So I will daily fall on my knees and come to Him. I know I don't deserve it, I never will, but Jesus took care of that for me.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who had called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

Our lives were never promised to be easy, but God ALWAYS promised to be with us.

Reset

Just so you know, the New Year starts today.....yep. not January 1, it starts the day real life begins again. Today, real life begins again. School, work, everyday chores and life. We took a nice break around here while John was out of school, and boy was it so nice! Relaxation, sledding, Christmas-filled activities, and so much together time (let me be the first to admit that my patience struggled a bit at time with so much togetherness). But all in all, the break was wonderful.

Today is a new day. Today is a new year. It's a reset. I worked out. I did a devotional. I was out of bed before my kids (!!!!). Today's devotional was perfect. It is a 7 day series about a reset with Jesus. Boy do I need one. In recent, and maybe not so recent times my faith has taken a back seat in life. Why? I have so many excuses and not one of them is a good one. So I am leaving my excuses at the door, and though at this time of year it's a bit (ok a lot) cliche', but what better time when life has to start again. My life needs a reset, a change. I hope I can stick with things long enough to create new habits. I am pretty good at messing things up after, all, but my family deserves this change from me. I need to let God take the center of my life and force myself to be healthy again (yes force for now). Happy New Year everyone! May your day be wonderful and while I can't complain one little bit about 2016, for it treated us pretty darn well, may 2017 be filled with wonderful blessings as well.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Hebrews 12:1-3

I Didn't Know I Needed a Testimonial

I am so mad. I hate it when things happen to those you love that you have no control over and you feel so guilty afterwards. I know I couldn't have stopped it and I can't change it, but I still feel bad and I am so angry.

I didn't know I needed a testimonial as to why I should use Norwex, why it makes SO MUCH SENSE to rid my home of harsh chemicals. It's not required, no. They sure are great to have, until you actually have an experience that you have to deal with.

So here it is:

A few weeks ago, it was a Sunday, so we went to church like we usually do. No biggie. After church Ella had a party to go to but we had to wait for a bit for it to start so we went and did some widow shopping. It was fun! Ella chose to wear a skirt that day and it has been fairly warm so no leggings or tights were needed. We made a quick trip to the restroom before her party, and I noticed a weird rash on the backs of her legs. Hmmmm. We went on with our day and we had a blast.

Now came the time to try to figure out this weird, non-spreading, strangely placed rash. We tried everything, For a long enough period of time. It should have gone away. It should have lessened. Now, it didn't spread, and it didn't get worse, but it didn't go away. I couldn't figure it out. When there is something not right with your kiddo, it drives you crazy until you can solve it, right? Well, at least for me it does. Ugh

The kids recently had their yearly checkups so I thought that would be a good time to show our Dr. Ella's strange rash. Know what it was? Chemical Irritation from a toilet.(I promise our Dr knows nothing about me or my Norwex.)

I really try hard to pride myself on cleanliness and keeping my kids healthy and clean, so this really triggered something. Somewhere, sometime, my daughter sat on a CLEAN toilet and it damaged her skin (not permanently, no, but still). Our pediatrician said that those cleaning chemicals used to wipe off the toilet seat are the culprit. So now do we not only have to worry about using disgustingly dirty public restrooms, but now we have to worry about getting hurt from CLEAN ONES?!?!?! For crying out loud, that just ticks me off. I am 99% sure she got this from a public toilet, first of all because I Norwex, and second of all because it is my daughter's personal mission to visit every public restroom in the whole world!

So now, I am determined. My loved ones will not be hurt from chemicals anymore. They are dangerous and something much worse could happen when chemicals are involved. So, bye nasty chemicals, HELLO NORWEX am I glad to see you. I know I talk a lot about Norwex recently, but guys I'M CONVINCED! This is finally what I have been searching for and I am just so excited about it. I truly love the stuff.

Be Still and Know

Changes are scary. And many times, it is hard to know whether those changes you are making are good or bad. Is there ever REALLY any way of knowing what things will be like before you "jump"?

We recently made some pretty huge changes in our life that include new schools, jobs, and different structures to our days. Fun things like that. I took a huge leap leaving full-time employment. Was I doing what was best? Are my kids going to handle the change ok? It is hard to make big decisions that impact more people than just yourself. We leapt, and I was terrified.

The first couple weeks were fairly uncertain, but the change was good. We saw immediate changes in the kids. More home time, less stress for them, and that's good.

As time is going by, one Bible verse continually pops into my head. "BE STILL and know that I am God." When I go with the flow and let the things happen that we planned for and agonized over, things turn out well. Better even, than what we were hoping for. When I start to step in and meddle into our already laid plans, our carefully laid plans, well things start to fall apart. Funny.

As my worrying brain takes over and I try to "fix" things that don't need fixing, nothing goes right anymore and our plans and hopes don't follow through. As I begin to let go of my worries and trust that things will go right, well they actually DO go right. Our plans are fulfilled and often things end up better than we expected. And I know in all this that God is simply telling me, "See, I've got this. You listened to me and jumped into the unknown. I will see you through. BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."

I am comforted and hopeful for the future. I know who's got my back. I may be a little hard-headed, ok maybe a lot hard-headed, but I have a God that doesn't give up. And for that I am thankful. :)

Just a Few Thoughts about Norwex

So, been trying the Norwex thing. Really digging in. Since joining Norwex, I have gotten such a broader experience with so many more products! So far, I love every single one. My hubby is even warming up to the idea!

I have a few things I have noticed since making the complete switch, so here they are:

1. Um, seriously how easy are these Envirocloths?!!? Get them wet (I like to use warm water, I can't tell you why) and clean away. All you do is rinse and hang to dry when you are done. Clean. Done.

2. I don't know about anyone else, but I have been experimenting with sooooooooo may different cleaners to try to find the right one for so long. I have bought more brands than I can name, and I have made so many different cleaners using so many different ingredients (not all these are easy to find!) My biggest complaint about cleaners is that most leave a gross film on the surface when you are done cleaning. Yuck! I hate feeling a surface that has a weird coating on it. As soon as I cleaned my counters with the Envirocloth, I felt the surface and NOTHING! It was amazing. I made my whole family come feel because I was just so excited (It's the little things really)

3. The mop is seriously so much fun. My floors were clean in a matter of minutes. And they were CLEAN! Yay!

4. I have had multiple reasons recently to require the use of the Odor Eliminator. I don't like having those reasons, but hey, I have experienced it. Not only does it smell fresh and clean, but the odor you wish to remove is all gone. Even cat pee. Yup, gross.

5. Here's my last reason, and please pardon my gross house. We have no coasters in our home ( I know, we need them) and so have some bad "drink rings" I have been trying to get them out for a while with different things. Well, they are gone. Just the cloth and water.

Yippee! I love Norwex.

A Few Family Photos

I can't help myself, I love them so. I can't post them all, but here are most of them. (I have to keep my favorites for Christmas Cards and all that stuff!)

If you need pictures, go to Whitney. I love her, she's amazing. Crown Star Photography

Halloween Shenanigans

 

So, Halloween is BIG in Utah. John's school put on a Halloween Program, and it was SO DARN CUTE! The kids worked so hard a I loved every second even though I could really care less about Halloween.

Norwex- A Better Home, A Better Future

So I am pretty excited about this. I have decided to join an amazing company, yes in Direct Sales, but it is a company I can truly get behind 100%. The more I read about these products, the more excited I get. I have some (not a lot) personal experience in the Products of Norwex. I have family and friends that have used it and loved it. But their philosophy of a greener way of life is something I have been pursuing and investigating for quite some time. A dear friend introduced me to the Norwex name a couple years ago and since then have fallen in love with everything about it.

Anyways, I have decided to join. This is to hopefully help out my family a bit, but it is also because I believe in it and I think it is a concept and a company that is great for our future. I wanted to use this place to explain a little bit about what Norwex is and what it offers for those who have never heard of it. I will also be notifying friends and family of upcoming opportunities to experience the products firsthand. I may also be contacting a few to take a larger part in this experience. My goal is not to bother or pester anyone, but to educate and get people as excited as I am.

First of all, Norwex is simply a green way to clean and live. A way to rid our homes of chemicals. Their cleaning cloths not only grab all the dirt and debris off of the surfaces we are cleaning (doesn't spread it around) they have antibacterial properties built in to the cloths that don't go away. So not only are we cleaning, we are sanitizing and getting rid of germs and bugs and all that nasty stuff. And all this is done with: water. Yup that's it. Water. There are products through Norwex that you can get that aid in some of the tougher jobs, but they are still chemical free. This includes kitchens, bathrooms, dusting, windows, mirrors, laundry, and more. They even have a line of body products that help keep our skin clear and clean. I have one. I love it. I have also been using their dusting mitt for quite a while and it works amazing. And it is so easy, my kids can dust my house! I love that factor. Not only do these products provide a clean, chemical-free way to clean, it's easy! And fast! All it takes is the cloth and a bit of water. Bing, Bang, Boom. Done. I don't know about you, but sometimes finding time to clean is hard. I don't always find a lot of it, so if there is a way to clean that is better and faster, I am all for it.

I am including a few links that I have found super helpful so if you are reading this you can get more info as well. Once I join, I hope you will come and discover. And if it grabs you, let me know and we will jump in together! Thanks!

First of all, Pinterest! There are a ton of things on Pinterest, so use it. Read up on it so you can be educated too:
             www.pinterest.com
Second of all, the actual Norwex website. Explore it and let me know what you think!
            https://norwex.biz/

I could add more and maybe I will, but at this point I am just getting my feet wet. If you have any feedback, I would love to hear it.

Join me! WooHoo!

Teaching, Family, and Then....

I have to be quite honest: I NEVER thought I would be a teacher. In fact, I vowed to never become a teacher. Anything but that!!!!

And here I am. And I am so blessed. I love teaching. I love children. I love being able to play a part in their growth, discovery, and education as they become independent, contributing members of our society. And I won't lie, I will hope and pray that I am helping produce a better future.

So, Teaching. I was the lucky individual that got to experience a lot of firsts my "first" year of teaching: first year of marriage, first year of teaching, and (surprise!) first pregnancy. I got to experience what it is like to be a working mother right off the bat. Juggling family and work is HARD, but definitely worth it. One thing I love about teaching is that in my opinion, it is one of the most family friendly careers to have. I have been blessed to work for very supportive schools and so that has made it all the easier. Ways teaching is family friendly?

1. Your "office" comes automatically equipped with toys and is, for the most part, baby-proofed (ok, maybe not high-school classrooms, but in general there are not many hazardous and breakable objects inside a classroom)

2. There are lots of other kids around!

3. Summers...... (usually)

4. Free or reduced tuition (especially in a private school setting) OR an automatic in to your awesome school. Their spots are reserved basically for life (or at least as long as you teach there and for a super good deal)

5. Your co-workers are in general good with kids and comfortable with you having your kid with you during after-hours

6. Lots more reasons

HOWEVER.....

Sometimes life gets to the point when you ask if there is another way. Don't get me wrong, my years in the "traditional" classroom setting are nowhere near done. And maybe, MAYBE someday that will include administration in some way, shape or form. But for now, I am asking "What else is there?"

I am no good at "sales" or "telemarketing" or any of the typical "work from home jobs". But there had to be something. Teachers should be able to have options! Right now, I want to be more flexible. I want to spend a little more time with my family. I want my daughter and son to be able to actually spend some time at home, not just to eat (sometimes) and sleep. I have been exploring this for quite some time. I wanted to be able to say that I have the option to work from home as well! So after much research, prayer, consideration, and quite a bit of fear, my family made the jump into "here we go!" At this point I am still exploring, getting my feet wet, and hoping and praying I know what I am doing. :)

Here's what I have discovered are my and others options for "flexible" teaching jobs:

1. Substituting: Yes, I mean it. Subbing can be a great way of teaching if you want a flexible schedule. And so far, I am loving it! My perspective it: I am using this to learn and grow for the future. Here is the perfect opportunity to see how other teachers do it. I get to see classrooms, decorations, lesson plans, discipline practices, and much more in many different classrooms. And I can do this as many or as few days a week that I want! I have been able to work it so far that I can drop off my son at school, only work the days that my husband has off (go shift work), and no daycare!!!!!! That's a plus in my books. However, as she gets closer to Kindergarten, we will have to think of SOMETHING to get her socialized and K-ready. But I still have about a year and a half before that happens.

2. Online Tutoring- I'm finding myself a little lost at this but who knows what the future holds... I tried to dive in head first and had to pull myself out fairly quickly because I just wasn't liking what I was seeing. I know there are some super companies out there. Unfortunately there are also some you should NOT waste your time with. VIPKID? Nope, don't do it. It looks super on the surface but that's where it ends, unless you would like to be told opposing information from the same company when it comes to your teaching methods and you would like to be a drone that conforms to one way of teaching without any flexibility for your own personality, teaching style, and kids you work with. Oh well, live and learn.

3. Babysitting for Bible Studies, Church Groups, or MOPS. I love this plan. I get to still work with little ones, I get to bring my kid(s) with me, and I get paid on top of it. If you can find a church in your area that offers child care during the week for those that attend MOPS, Bible Studies, or other things you can serve as childcare in that aspect. A couple hours (after school drop off time) = a paycheck

4. (I am not yet doing this one but it is on my list of what I want to do) Online Teaching at an Online School. You get to have your own class and your own "classroom" (not really but you know what I mean....hopefully) I have noticed that this seems to be a growing trend in the past few years and I would love to get a taste of what this is like. How awesome to be a full-fledged teacher from the comfort of your own home (in your jammies if you want!)

5. (Not doing this either, but it is an option) Watch a young child or hold a preschool in your home. Parents are always looking for a good, private, safe place for their little one to learn and grow, especially if you are trustworthy and have good creds.

I see all of this as helping my diversity and ability in teaching. When I enter the classroom again in the future, after having had the time to spend with my kids and my family, going on field trips, being a class parent and other cool things I may not normally have the time to do, I will be a more diverse, able teacher. I will have more experience with lots of different ages, abilities, teaching methods, and cultures. I am excited for that time. I am excited to grow my portfolio and resume. But for now I am excited for being here. At home, with my family. And I am still teaching. I am still earning and contributing. I love it

2 Peter 3:18

"But Grow in the Grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever! Amen."

2 Peter 3:18

Teddy Bears and Memories

Yesterday was Teddy Bear Day at school as part of our National Lutheran Schools Week. Now, you would think that this day would be no big deal, even a little silly, and for the most part, it was. However, I managed to locate my one and only teddy bear I think I have ever had, and of course it brought along all sorts of emotions, reminiscings, and nostalgia. I have had this teddy bear nearly 30 years.......(gasp! I swear I don't feel that old!). This teddy bear was given to me by my dear godfather and uncle on my very first Christmas when I was only a few months old. Of course I didn't know them and neither did he how special this little bear would become. That same uncle passed away much too soon and that little bear has always been my strongest tie to him. I still have memories of running to greet him whenever we got the chance to visit, bouncing on his knee being silly, and candy leis that he would bring with him were always favorite gifts.

My own son has his name, the first boy born into our family since his passing, and it will always mean so much to me for my boy to carry this wonderful man's name. From all the stories I have heard  about his childhood I imagine my John is a little like him as well.

This little teddy bear sat on my desk all day yesterday and I would look at it and think of him. On my mind all day. I know I will see him again someday, but for now I still miss him. I will just have to squeeze my bear a little tighter for now.

Here's to a New Year!

2015 was so good to us. I think one of my favorite years. Always filled with stress, but this time it came with more hope, more confidence, and lots of joy. We entered this year and endured it with our heads more above water than we ever have been before. Our family is moving in positive, good directions.

I got the chance to be a stay at home mom, and while I may never feel like I got my fill of it, I am so very blessed to have gotten a taste of it. I have also been blessed with probably the very best full time job I could imagine at this point in my life. Both kids get to spend all day in the same building as me. I even get to teach one of them!!!! If you had asked me a couple months ago, it was the WORST decision ever. We struggled for a bit there and really butted heads. However, things really seem to have settled and I am grateful I get to see him every day, all day, because he is just growing too darn fast! My sweet boy is growing up faster than I care for him to. I also get to keep a close eye on my baby all day as well. There isn't a teacher in school that doesn't know that if someone is going to fall and hit their head, it's going to be her. She is so accident prone and so clumsy!

All in all this year we have solidified more and more as a family, and our two beautiful children have grown and flourished. It hasn't come without grief by any means. We have had allergy tests, ER visits, and a few bouts of sickness that have made our home look like scenes from a horror movie. We reached the end though, happy, mostly healthy, and going strong.My heart is truly full to bursting.

The hardest thing of this year has been living a full year away from all our family and friends that we left behind. We haven't made as many trips back home as we would have liked, and there have been many occasions that we have just wanted to jump in the car and drive home! But then we look at where we are and how far we have come because we followed our dreams. Our family is thriving here and for that we are grateful. It has, however, made everything soooooo much better having my sister and her family here. Two precious babies that we get to watch grow up. Those twins have definitely been a highlight of 2015 as well.

One highlight we were so dearly looking forward to was Christmas at home with ALL of our family there (even though going back and forth from family to family is crazy AND stressful). We were so looking forward to seeing everyone and really catching up for almost a week! Well, life had other things in mind for us this holiday season. As soon as we pulled into our hometown, both kids began showing signs of sickness! Ella quickly turned hers into croup while John kept a nice steady pace at a bad cold. Luckily, Daddy is a super awesome respiratory therapist and we took croup in stride and did what we needed to do. However, fevers worsened, sleepless nights continued, and troubles grew. Christmas morning dawned on a very tired family not at all in the Christmas spirit. We watched and waited while things just didn't improve, so about halfway through the day we headed to the ER and stayed there a good portion of the day. Ella ended up with croup, strep throat, and tonsillitis.....NO FUN!!!! We spent the remainder of the trip trying a enjoy a few moments here and there and attempting to recuperate a tiny bit.

Luckily the remainder of our Christmas break has been fairly quiet with a lot of rest. We rang in the New Year with a small group of people, a LOT of noise, and tons of fun! Happy New Year to everyone who reads this. We love you all. 

Bumps, Bruises, Heads, and Baby Gates

Last Week. The week from hell. I will always remember it. I will always hate it.


I have been a mom of a boy for almost 5 years now. I fully anticipated bumps, bruises, and the occasional broken bone. However, he has made it through these past 5 years remarkably well. There of course were a few bumps and scrapes, but nothing serious. No hospital trips, no stitches; nothing a few snuggles and a band-aid couldn't cure.

Along comes my second child, a girl. Well-mannered, tame, likes to sit still little girl. HA! While she is slightly tamer than my son, she loves to simply sit and play, and she is capable of some pretty darn good manners, she has been my trouble child from the start. I have worried about her from the moment she was conceived, and she has never failed to disappoint, filling our lives with drama.

My sweet girl, a problem from the start, has a stubborn core inside her little body that I swear doubles her mom and dad's own stubbornness. I have rarely met someone more stubborn than I am, and my little girl put my own level of stubbornness to shame. She walked on her own terms, doesn't like to do things that she alone did not think up. Through sickness, stubbornness, late development, and many other things, I never cease to worry about her.

This past week she did not disappoint. First she hit her head while on a family outing. She was playing around, not sitting nicely, and took a header off a picnic bench onto concrete. She survived and we carried on with our outing. The next day though, she just wasn't herself. I watched her carefully, and eventually decided to take her in. They said she had a concussion but since it had been so long, sent her home with a list of things to watch for. I continued to watch, and the day just got worse. By evening, I was pretty worried. I knew something was wrong, so back in we went.They did a full work up, and showed nothing concerning on paper, but they knew something was wrong. Turns out, a concussion and the Hand Foot and Mouth virus don't get along very well. She was one sick little girl. Tired but assured of what was going on, we took her home and watched her carefully over the next few days. She began to bounce back and we saw our sassy girl return to us.

Just a couple days later, as we were getting out of bed to begin our day, disaster struck yet again.

We have never had stairs in our home. We have never had baby gates or any reason to worry. Until this house. This house has two very steep staircases. One goes down to the basement, but there is a door at the top that I can close and control the use of them in that way. Our other staircase is up where our bedrooms are. We use it every day, there is no way to avoid it. Mostly, the kids do really well on the stairs, but still I worry. It causes me great stress to think of anything that could happen on those stairs. I stay awake at night  agonizing over what would happen if they fell?

We got a gate. It was just a cheap little thing, but it covered the top of the stairs. From recent events though, I know that little gate won't do a whole lot in the way of protection.

We were out of bed, starting our day. Gate was up, everyone was upstairs. Ella got the look in her eyes (my sister calls it her Mule look). She was going to do something, and she was going to do it herself..... "I open the gate Mommy!"

"No Ella! No! We don't touch that!.....No Ella! We don't touch!.....ELLA!!!!!!......."

Well apparently no wasn't going to work, approaching her wasn't going to work. I just wasn't close enough.

Ella reached over the gate, leaning on it as she reached. The gate just wasn't strong enough. As she leaned, the gate gave out. Ella and the gate went on the ride of their lives.To the gate's credit, it saved her life. I fully believe that. Since the gate was there, rather than tumbling, she slid. She rode that gate, head first of course, all the way down the stairs.

Scariest moment of my life, without a doubt.

Ella reached the bottom, clunked her head (of course) and immediately began crying. I believe I cried for a while too. She earned another knot on her head, and many many more restrictions.

No trip to the ER was made this time (luckily!) but I never relaxed that whole day. I watched her like a hawk for ANYTHING out of the ordinary that might mean further head trauma.

At this point, if I could put her in a bubble, wrap that bubble in bubble wrap, and attach her to me, I would.

Needless to say, we are the proud new owners of a very sturdy baby gate that is screwed in to the walls at the top of the stairs. There is also a temporary gate at the bottom of the stairs that will remain there until I loosen my restrictions on my girl....Don't hold your breath.

So here's to a new week. A week of no injuries. A week of quiet healing.....


...Wish me luck.....

One Year Later

It's been one year since our little family made big changes and big moves. We have settled down into this new life of ours and I think we have adjusted....mostly.

I have rejoined the workforce, and the kids have adjusted to school....again, mostly.

When I set out to start this little blog, I had the intentions of being intentional in my life. I only get to do this thing once. There are no re-do's in life. I want to make the most of what I have been given. I like to think that for the most part, I have succeeded in that....mostly.

I know there have been bad days, boring days, and days I would rather forget. However, mixed into all those days are treasured memories and lessons I have learned. Life is short. Life is hard. Life is also so, so good. Life is worth it. Even if it is a day of sitting around building legos and watching movies and dressing baby dolls, I want to treasure it. (Legos and baby dolls are what it is all about recently anyways, so if you aren't building legos or dressing up baby dolls, well then, maybe you aren't doing it right!! lol)


I hope I continue learning these lessons plus more in the next year of this little journey. I know I am an unfinished product, I have a lot of work to be done for sure. I also know that God accepts me for who I am, faults and all. He can still use me, my family still needs me. My children love me even when I am not patient enough. My husband loves and accepts me for the work in progress that I am.

I hope to continue to record all these precious memories as time goes on. One day, many years down the road I can return to this sit and sit back and smile as I go through all our memories we have made. I will probably cry too, because well, that's me. If I have learned anything else this year, it has been my passion for my life. My children and my family are everything to me and I FEEL so fiercely about them. It's a feeling/emotion that is hard to describe, but once you have felt it, you never forget it.

When You Shouldn't Sugarcoat Things

I had the fortunate/unfortunate (I can't yet decide) opportunity today to witness an event when I was picking John up from Summer Camp. The timing of all of the still kind of boggles my mind...

As Ella and I were getting out of the car and pulling some totes of books out of the trunk (I am slowly moving stuff into my future classroom as it is not in use this summer) I noticed the Summer Camp group walking back from the park across the street. As they began to cross the street, a rather unsavory character happened to cross paths between the school and the group. To say he was not in control of his emotions would be an understatement. Clearly upset he was screaming at someone many profanities over and over again very loudly. He was so out of control he even punched the street sign and threw the bag he was carrying.

Now, obviously, this is not the very worst thing to come across. I don't think anyone really was in any danger except the character who could have seriously hurt his hand. We live in a big city now and coming across different walks of life is pretty normal. But we are from a very sheltered background. My kids have purposefully never been exposed to situations like this. I carefully monitor what they watch and who we spend time with (we have been blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives that this really has never been much of a concern).

As I sat and watched this (with Ella pretty unconscious of what was going on) next to the safety of my car, I watched the group of Summer Camp kids and the leaders/teachers who were with the kids. As the kids were beginning to cross the street, the teachers turned them back around and led the group back into the park area. The leaders were aware of the situation and handled it wonderfully. They couldn't stop what was happening or stop the kids from seeing what was happening, but I could tell their attention was on the kids and their safety 100%. They kept their focus on the children and I am sure did their best to distract them from the scene the character was making. At that moment I was proud of the fact that I will soon be joining the staff their. I could not have handled the situation any better.

I made my way inside after the "situation" left the area and went about my business. It was very apparent that the scene was heard from inside as well. It was that loud. As I made my way back outside to get more totes of books, the Summer Camp group was walking up to the school. I watched them pass by but my son caught my attention immediately. He was walking with the staff members in back, crying. He was clearly upset and they let me know as soon as I saw them of the situation I had just witnessed and that he had been pretty upset by it. I appreciated that they let me know right away what had happened.

This whole thing, plus the fact that John will be spending the summer with people other than me, plus stuff going around social media recently have made me wonder and question if I have properly prepared my children for the world we live in. Do they know not to wander off? Do they have a healthy enough sense of stranger danger to be aware yet not paranoid of everyone around them? Do they know not to go off with strangers even when they entice them with things? I know as parents it is our job to prepare our children for the world. Not everything and everyone is nice. Not every situation is pretty.

I have been debating on when to have that certain talk and that time came up today. The incident stuck with John and he was clearly bothered by it. I knew I needed to say something to him, and we had a talk in the car on the way home. I know I need to talk to him further about this. He is getting older and more aware of his surroundings. This is not the easy part of parenting. If I could stick my kids in a bubble and attach them to me so they would always be safe and close I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't. I can't always keep them safe. But I can do my best to prepare them for what they will be guaranteed to face as they grow up.

You can't sugarcoat safety or common sense. I know I can still pick and choose what I tell them and what they know, but I also believe in honesty. They need to know that not everyone out there is good or can be trusted. I need them to know who to trust and who not to trust. I need them to know who they can go to when they need to be safe.I hope and pray that I do my job well and that my kids grow up safely but aware.

Lately

My heart is full, my life is full. This past year our little family has made huge strides in better directions. Were all of the steps we made positive? No, of course not, we are human after all. We mess up, we do stupid things. But all in all, our family is in a better place than we were a year ago. My husband and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. 6 years? Really? Some days it seems like it cannot be possible that we have already been married for 6 years, and some days I think, "That's it? It's only been 6 years? Are you sure it hasn't been more like 26?" :)

I am so grateful. I am grateful for amazing family and friends that surround us. I am grateful for the wonderful husband God placed in my life...directly in my path...basically hit me over the head with him, saying "Here you go, this one." I am so grateful for the wonderful children we have been blessed with. I could not ask for more. 

Some days, my husband drives me crazy. Stupid socks in the middle of the floor. Stupid cupboard doors left open. Stupid shirts that I so painstakingly folded and put away no longer folded because he changed his mind and just shoved it back into the drawer.But I love him. He knows me better than anyone else and still loves me and accepts me for who I am.

Most days, my kids drive me batty. Chasing 4 little ones around in circles all day can do that to a person. (My 2 children and my niece and nephew of course) "Please don't pick up the baby." "No you cannot keep slamming yourself into the couch." "Why are you all wet?" "I cannot hear myself think because you two are screaming at each other so loudly!" "No the baby cannot play with your legos." On and on it goes. Every day I drive myself crazy saying things that don't make sense and doing things no normal, sane person would ever do (carrying my half-naked child across a parking lot while she holds her own naked crazy-haired barbie because I had no more spare clothes with me). But I love them. With all of my being I love them. They are part of me; they came from me. I have had the "opportunity" on two separate occasions to hand my children off to Doctors and watch them walk through the doors away from me. Completely in their hands. I have never felt more powerless. The most recent occasion being Ella's eye surgery. It was a normal, routine surgery but that didn't matter. My child was in someone else's hands. Not mine. At the moment, I  couldn't keep her safe. I couldn't even be with her to hold her. As a mom, there is just that horrible feeling of helplessness. This occasion was trivial, because luckily my children are healthy, but it was still a moment where I was reminded of how blessed I am and how much I love my children.

As Summer unfolds, we continue to look at new opportunities. A new house. A new job. Summer Camp. Field trips. MORE TIME. I LOVE having this time with my kids. I will always remember this past year. It has been treasured. I am also looking forward to the days to come. They will become busier, yes, but I am so excited for them. I love this life.

Life

Boy, life can be busy. And short. Life is really really short. It is really easy to forget to look around yourself and get caught up in things that really aren't that important. Money. Ugh, I hate money. I hate the need for it and I hate the differences of money between people. I don't know why it bothers me but it SO does. I'm not a communist. But sometimes it just bugs me how some people can make such ridiculous amounts of money, live in big houses, drive nice cars, and simply have nice things when we struggle. Sometimes, we really struggle. Life has not been easy to us and it has not always been kind. We work HARD, we try HARD! It just gets me how life is not fair at times. Sometimes it doesn't make sense.

But, does it matter? Really? Does it matter where different people live? Does it matter how much or how little money people have? In the end, are people going to care what we have? No, I don't think so. It matters WHO we are. It matters who we are to others. We are here for a purpose. Our job is to live out that purpose. It doesn't matter what kind of house we live out this purpose in, or what kind of clothes we live in. My only hope, my only prayer is that on the day I meet my Maker, I can fall at His feet and He will look at me and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

I look around during these times where I am seeing clearly (lol) and I see just all I have. I have a beautiful family. I have a wonderful husband and partner. I have been blessed with two wonderful children. I am living my dream. It may not always look like what I pictured, but really, when does our life go the way we planned? I have an amazing "extended" family that I am so very thankful for every day. They have been such a strong support system, there for us no matter what.

I know I have a purpose, but I also believe my purpose changes and grows as time goes on, as life happens. When we are serving God, when we are living His love, we are doing His purpose. Right now, my purpose is to bring up my children in a world where they know Him and His love. If I can raise my children to know God and have a meaningful relationship with Him, then it was all worth it. That will always be my first and most important purpose in this life.

Soon, I will be expanding my duties and responsibilities and calling. Teaching is a passion of mine that I never thought I would have. When I entered college, I swore I would NEVER become a teacher, but halfway through my freshman year I found myself exactly where I belonged. (Not without much angst and searching of course.)

I have noticed through this blog that it is hard for me to stay on the topic I was planning on and can be a bit rambling and random. I have decided to stop trying! I want for this to be a source for me to remember everything about my wonderful life that I get to live. When I go back to work full time, I want to continue this, because it is not just about being a stay at home mom. It is about being a mom, it is about living a dream, it is about making life meaningful.

My life means something to me, it is important. It can also slip by you so quickly that you want to look back at where you have been. This will help.

Vacation Is

Vacation is...

-spending much needed quality family time
-escaping the normal day to day of life
-going new places, seeing new things

Vacation is...

-eating Oreos and snack packs because you can
-having movie nights two days in a row
-going swimming as much as humanly possible

Vacation is...

-train rides
-cowboys and "bad guys"
-silliness

Vacation is...
-love
-family
-important

It doesn't matter how far you go, or how long you go for. Vacations are a time to get away from normalcy and be with family. Both are important. Family will always be there, and you should take the time to be with them and know them. Life is stressful. We can't just keep at it all the time. We have to escape from time to time to recharge and actually enjoy the life we are living a little ;).